My recent journey.

I've not been blogging much recently, in fact I was rather shocked to see how long ago my last post was. Thing is, and I'm sure most of you know this already, I've not been all that well of late. That is to say, the doctors tell me I haven't. I've been feeling as well as ever. But about 6 weeks ago I found a very tiny lump in one boob and thought I'd better get it double checked "just to be on the safe side". GP thought it was probably nothing, but she'd send me for a mammogram and ultrasound to make sure. Thinking nothing of it I walked in to the breast clinic 3 days later. By the time I walked out, I'd had 2 biopsies as well, and I knew there was probably more to this thing than I'd hoped.

Early the following week the results were in, and I was sitting looking at the same GP as she told me I had a form of breast cancer called DCIS which usually stays in the milk ducts and is eminently treatable. In fact they even dare say curable if it has not come out of the duct, like a dangerous criminal that can't harm others provided he's kept locked up. "The best of the worst" news.

Neither of us slept for a couple of nights, but then I found I just had to stop panicking, keep a brave face for the boys, look at what I could do for my own health and wait to see what the specialists said, and with that came an odd sense of calm.

Within four days I'd seen a consultant and he'd scheduled me in for surgery the following week. A total mastectomy. B was shocked as everything he'd read and everyone he'd spoken to had said this thing usually just required a lumpectomy. I was not, as the Radiographer who took my initial mammogram had told me whatever she was seeing was in several different areas of the same breast. "Just take it off and get these cells out of my body" was all I could think. There'd be time later to lament the loss and consider reconstrucive surgery.

Within a few days my Mum had arrived to help out. She'd be needed while I was in hospital to look after the boys and what a great support for me too. I'm so lucky to have her and that she's so fearless to be prepared to travel alone to the other side of the world. My Mum-in law was also just as ready to come if needed, and it was decided that we'd see how things went and if I needed extended care, I might well be needing her later.

Thursday 18th August. Half past seven and I'm admitted for my op. I had to have some radioactive stuff injected into my boob in the morning and a CT scan taken to detect the main lymph drainage node from the breast - the sentinel node. The idea was to take this out at the start of the op, get it checked while I was in theatre, and if there was any sign of cancer cells they'd go right ahead and remove all the lymph nodes in my whole armpit (an axillary clearance). I prayed and prayed that they wouldn't have to do this. Bigger op, plus it would mean there were signs of spread so it was important to me that this was all clear. It was. When I came round in the recovery room, I heard the recovery nurse hand over to the nurse taking me back to the ward. "Right mastectomy and sentinel node biopsy" she said. Even in my half conscious state I waited to hear her continue with "also total axillary clearance". She did not. I actually asked the new nurse while we were in the lift going back up to the ward. She checked her papers and agreed that there was no mention of it. I could have cried with delight, something was going my way after all.

I won't go into the rest of my hospital stay. Let me just say the staff were incredible, the food was great and I wasn't in any real pain cos they'd cut through so many nerves it was more numb than painful. They let me out after 5 days and I went home to be pampered some more by Mum and Brian and the boys.

Later that week the results were available of all the pathology tests they do on the breast. The lymph node was totally clear of cancer on extensive further testing, but some of the cancer had indeed made its way out of the ducts and into my breast tissue. Bugger. However he was quick to assure me it was such a tiny amount that it was considered negligible, and he felt sure no chemo or radiotherapy would be required. The oncology specialists agreed and I have been put on a tablet called Tamoxifen for 5 years to keep any errant cells under control. I hope very much that they are right and I have to trust their judgement and be delighted that I won't have to undergo any more extreme treatment.

Throughout all of this, the mums at Alfie's school have been incredible. Mum literally didn't cook a meal for the whole time I was in hospital and for 2 weeks after. Every day somebody would appear with a dinner either half cooked and just needing a bit more oven time or totally ready and just needing a reheat. When we needed a second car for taking the boys to school while Brian took me to hospital, a "spare" car was donated for 4 days, keys given over without question. The boys were taken out on playdates, picked up from school, dropped to sports lessons. Nothing has been too much trouble for these people who I've known for less than 6 months. As well as being a huge help it's been an enormous boost to morale.

So here I am, nearly a month on and I'm feeling great. Well, as well as could be reasonably expected after having a part of you removed. I still get tired a bit quicker than normal and there's a small amount of discomfort at times, but really I'm very well indeed, and definitely feeling more like my usual self. I take Alfie to school in the morning and somebody always asks how I am, and as I reply how well I feel and thank them for their support I invariably well up with unexpected tears and embarrass us both.

The whole episode is somewhat surreal. I never really felt ill, and due to the fantastic medical cover we have and the system here I hardly had time to stop and panic. Although I will perhaps never trust my body in quite the same way as I once did, I'm coming out the other side with a different perspective on what is important in life and a renewed faith in other people.

And my biggest hope right now is that I am indeed coming out the other side of all this.